Just my thoughts from today...

My testimony of the gospel has always been an easy thing for me. Even when things have been hard, I have not really questioned whether the church was true. I have always been able to rely on my testimony. Today during Sunday school, we were reading from Moroni chapter 7 and the promise in there that if you "ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, He will manifest the truth of it unto you,…and by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." Later in the chapter it talks about some different gifts that people have and it became apparent to me that I have been blessed with the gift of faith and a testimony of the gospel. Although I know what I believe, the past few months I have felt the spirit less in my life. I was not really sure why, but it has just felt like I was numb to the spirit. I was just living life and just scraping by. I have been so busy with work and church and Alexa that I have not been as diligent with my scripture study and prayers as I should be.
I was talking with my parents tonight about life and felt like I was being a little silly for even feeling the way I was. My mom said you need to just pray about it. She told me to spend 30 minutes on my knees praying about it. So I did. Now I didn’t quit spend 30 minutes on my knees, but when I was done praying for just a little confirmation that I am on the right path, that I am doing the right things, and that the things that I am looking for would eventually come I pulled out my scriptures and decided to just let them fall open. I was just going to read until I felt like I had an answer. I was ready to read all night if I had to. I started reading in a short chapter in Alma about war and all these people dying, wasn’t sure how long I was going to have to read to get out of the violent war chapters which I don’t like so much. I got to the next page and my eyes filled with tears. It was Alma chapter 29.
This is a very important scripture to me. Several years ago, when I was in high school, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident. The night before he passed away, he was telling me about his favorite scripture and read it to me over the phone. He was getting ready to leave on a mission and was maybe going to use this on his little missionary plaque. The evening of his accident, before I had been told what had happened, I felt very dark and alone. I didn’t know what was the matter or what to do to get rid of the feelings I had so I picked up my scriptures and began reading. I read for a while and then my cousin came to the door so I threw my bookmark in and got distracted. An hour or so later I got the dreaded phone call that he had been killed in a car accident. I searched for days to find the scripture that he had read to me the night before. His mom wanted it for the funeral. I had several other people trying to help me find it. We couldn’t find it. Finally one night when things settled a little I went back to my scriptures and opened up to the bookmark and there it was Alma 29, "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, …..And behold, when I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord had done for me, yea, even that he hath heard my prayer; yea, then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me."
The Lord is merciful. Not only was I able to have my prayers answered, but I was also reminded that the church is true and that Christ is my Savior and that he loves me. I don’t believe in coincidences. Things happen for a reason. I am so lucky to have had some wonderful missionary experiences lately which have allowed for me to reflect and to see the mercy of the Lord.

Started a New Class!

For those of you who only read this to hear the cute stories about the cutest kid in the word, I will start with one of the many funny things that she said today. For the few of you who want to hear about me, you can keep reading.

--Today my dad was watching Alexa while I went to institute. They were working on putting together the swing set that they bought Alexa. Alexa asked my dad, "You're old, how come your legs don't look old?" He must have nice legs!!! Later she told me she thought they looked young because they are so white.

--Since I am not that good at writing in a journal, I want to try to record some of my feelings about institute. I started a Book of Mormon class today. I have already taken the class, but recently my dad gave me a blessing and said to turn to the scriptures to find answers. I think that through this past few years I have let myself become pretty numb to all feelings. I was too painful to live the life that I was so I put up this wall to try to protect myself. I have recently really seen that wall as I have started to date. I don't want to be let down so I just don't let myself be seseptible to anything that might hurt. Because of this, I think that it has made it really hard to feel the spirit. It is not that I have ever stopped believing or stopped having the gospel as a daily part of my life, but I think it has not been to the fullest extent. I have missed having those goose bumps and feeling the promptings of the spirit. In institute today, he started off by saying that within the next few years, every person in the class would be making very significant decisions in their life such as careers, spouses, education, etc that will grately determine where we will be and what type of life we will have. This is the most important time to be close to the Savior so that he can guide me where I should go so that I will be happy and have all those things which I desire. He then had us watch the movie "The Testaments" about the Savior's visit to the Americas. I love this movie. I have had some very important questions answered while watching that movie in the past. Every time I watch the part where the Savior comes and the people are so happy. I was so happy today as I too was able to feel the love of my Savior and get those little goose bumps that remind me that He is there and is willing to show me the way. I highly recomend anyone who is feeling discouraged or stuck, to watch this movie. My assigned reading for this week is 1st Nephi 1-14 if anyone wants to follow along and I will keep you posted about my experiences next week after class.