Just my thoughts from today...

My testimony of the gospel has always been an easy thing for me. Even when things have been hard, I have not really questioned whether the church was true. I have always been able to rely on my testimony. Today during Sunday school, we were reading from Moroni chapter 7 and the promise in there that if you "ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, He will manifest the truth of it unto you,…and by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." Later in the chapter it talks about some different gifts that people have and it became apparent to me that I have been blessed with the gift of faith and a testimony of the gospel. Although I know what I believe, the past few months I have felt the spirit less in my life. I was not really sure why, but it has just felt like I was numb to the spirit. I was just living life and just scraping by. I have been so busy with work and church and Alexa that I have not been as diligent with my scripture study and prayers as I should be.
I was talking with my parents tonight about life and felt like I was being a little silly for even feeling the way I was. My mom said you need to just pray about it. She told me to spend 30 minutes on my knees praying about it. So I did. Now I didn’t quit spend 30 minutes on my knees, but when I was done praying for just a little confirmation that I am on the right path, that I am doing the right things, and that the things that I am looking for would eventually come I pulled out my scriptures and decided to just let them fall open. I was just going to read until I felt like I had an answer. I was ready to read all night if I had to. I started reading in a short chapter in Alma about war and all these people dying, wasn’t sure how long I was going to have to read to get out of the violent war chapters which I don’t like so much. I got to the next page and my eyes filled with tears. It was Alma chapter 29.
This is a very important scripture to me. Several years ago, when I was in high school, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident. The night before he passed away, he was telling me about his favorite scripture and read it to me over the phone. He was getting ready to leave on a mission and was maybe going to use this on his little missionary plaque. The evening of his accident, before I had been told what had happened, I felt very dark and alone. I didn’t know what was the matter or what to do to get rid of the feelings I had so I picked up my scriptures and began reading. I read for a while and then my cousin came to the door so I threw my bookmark in and got distracted. An hour or so later I got the dreaded phone call that he had been killed in a car accident. I searched for days to find the scripture that he had read to me the night before. His mom wanted it for the funeral. I had several other people trying to help me find it. We couldn’t find it. Finally one night when things settled a little I went back to my scriptures and opened up to the bookmark and there it was Alma 29, "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, …..And behold, when I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord had done for me, yea, even that he hath heard my prayer; yea, then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me."
The Lord is merciful. Not only was I able to have my prayers answered, but I was also reminded that the church is true and that Christ is my Savior and that he loves me. I don’t believe in coincidences. Things happen for a reason. I am so lucky to have had some wonderful missionary experiences lately which have allowed for me to reflect and to see the mercy of the Lord.